Shadow of a Heart
by jboy236129
Summary: Natsuki and Shizuru have started to drift apart and it's killing them both. A story of what happens when two women, who've had to over come so much, finally meet their breaking points. Shiznat **Chapters 7, 8, 9 and 10 updated, Chapter 11, 12 & 13 added!
1. Chapter 1: Shallow Shadows

**A/N: CHAPTER 1 HAS BEEN UPDATED**

_updated on 6-18-07_

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A/N: I 'd like to take this moment to praize my beta, Georgia aka shiznats. Thanks for all your help mate!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…

Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 1)

"_We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.  
We say we love trees, yet we cut them down.  
And some people still wonder why some are afraid  
when they are told they are loved."  
_-Unknown

After the carnival things seemed to settle down. The ex-hime's lives were slowly going back to normal. Mai, Mikoto and Natsuki were sharing an apartment on the outskirts of Fuuka Academy. Mai and Natsuki were going to graduate soon, entering both in the senior year, as for Mikoto, she was about to begin her 8th grade. Shizuru had graduated with her class and was now attending the prestigious Fuuka University.

Thick tension began to engulf Natsuki and Shizuru's relationship. What was once just slightly awkward moments had rapidly morphed into an uncomfortable atmosphere for both women. Naturally they began to drift apart; Natsuki started spending more time with her new roommates and friends, Mai and Mikoto, while Shizuru's time was now occupied with her college classes.

This separation between the two started to become almost unbearably for the Kyoto-ben woman. After a lot of thinking, Shizuru decided to welcome the change, but as time when on jealousy began to engulf her. She thought that it would be better for both of them, if she would move on, if she would separate herself further, but in the back of her mind she was shattering into tiny fragments of herself.

Secretly, Natsuki took Shizuru's absence extremely hard, though her pride never let it show.

_'Shizuru's.. left __me..' S_hizuru's abandonment had completely destroyed what was left of Natsuki's fragile heart. Ever since the day that she left, Natsuki had become a depressed and angry person, aggravating those inside feelings.

Mai, being as perceptive as ever, became worried about her friend's rapidly mounting depression, but she was unaware of the events that took place between Natsuki and the ex-kaichou. Mai saw everything: the betrayal, the heartache, the regret and the sorrow that surrounded the two himes, and she decided to bring a smile to her friend's face, even if it was the last thing she did.

"Maiiii, how much longer?? I'm starving!" Mikoto's child-like voice echoed through the apartment, her pleading eyes gazing longingly at the dinner that Mai was currently preparing.

"Oh Mikoto, just give me one moment, it's almost ready…" Mai paused and looked over her shoulder to the living room, "Umm, Natsuki would you mind setting the table?" Returning to her task Mai was busy trying to finish as quick as can the large meal, hoping to satisfy the youngest among them.

"No." came the blunt response from the blue haired girl. Natsuki was facing one of the white walls, wearing a blank expression on her face. Mai, assuming that Natsuki was still in one of her moods, didn't wanted to surrender so easily.

"Mou, Natsuki please, I could really use some extra help." She was talking to the girl, while pulling the food out of the stove while trying to avoid burning herself.

"Fine!" Natsuki abruptly pushed herself off the couch and went to help the overwhelmed redhead. She flings open the cabinet and retrieves three plates and glasses. Then she arranged them on the table. She sat down in the closest seat and waited impatiently, arms crossed over her chest.

"Mikoto, please, just go, sit down and I promise I'll bring the food in a minute." Mai told the small girl while carrying a large bowl of food in one hand and three pairs of chopsticks in the other. Mikoto saw the serious look Mai was giving to her and, not wanting to upset her most important person, decided to go along with Mai's wish and sat down not as quietly as she wanted to.

Natsuki placed her elbows on the table and leaned her head on her hands. Her emerald green eyes were clouded with all kind of thoughts, as she stared off into nothingness. Moments later Mai returned to the table with the rest of the food and joined them. After a few minutes they began a little conversation:

"And then he was like…Natsuki? Natsuki, what's wrong?" Mai asked once she noticed that the cobalt-haired woman was ignoring her and she had yet to touch her food.

"Hmm, oh, umm nothing... Just.. Um, thinking, I guess... " Natsuki picked up her chopsticks and proceeded to push her food on the plate. She slowly realized that she didn't even feel hungry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mai asked, her eyes filled with concern.

"Nah, it's nothing.. I'm kinda tired.. Um, I think I'll go to bed…" Natsuki picked up her plate and looked over at Mikoto:

"Hey brat, you want it?" Natsuki grumbled before Mai had a chance to reply, Mikoto's squeal of delight squashed any hopes Mai had of communicating with the blue-haired beauty. Natsuki had turned and walked to her room without another word, leaving a concerned Mai staring at her retreating form and a hungry beast devouring her leftovers.

When Natsuki reached her room, she closed the door and went to her closet to change into her sleep clothes. Once she was done, she turned off the lights and sunk into her bed, covering her head with an extra pillow. Against her will, her mind started to drift away.

_'alone..'_ a distant voice echoed in her head.

'_you are all alone again…'_ the soft silky voice in her head echoed again, the sound seemed to be coming closer.

'_but this time, it was all your fault…'_ it was getting louder.

_'You allowed yourself to be vulnerable in front of her.. you trusted her.. and for what?!'_ the voice was so close to her ears, it seemed to be filled with pain and anger.

_'You lost her, it's your fault, and now you have nothing left.. you are all alone..'_ Natsuki's eyes suddenly opened, her face twisted into an expression of pain as recent memories flooded through her aching head.

TBC…

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A/N

Ok so that's the first chapter, I'll see if I can get more up tomorrow if you guys say you like it, so R&R!

Much love,

John


	2. Chapter 2: Hells depths

**A/N: CHAPTER 2 HAS BEEN UPDATED**

_updated on 6-18-07_

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A/N: Here's chapter 2 for everyone. I'm sorry to say but this whole chapter is in flash back, but I think it's necessary to explain what's going on.

Disclaimer: So yeah.. I don't own anything… Which sucks, cuz I would have shared… ;-)

Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 2)

"_Ever has it been that love knows not its own  
depth until the hour of separation…"  
_-Kahlil Gibran.

_--flashback--_

Natsuki stood frozen to her spot in Shizuru's dorm room; right there, in the middle of the room and watched as her most precious person packed her clothes. Shizuru was moving to her own apartment just outside of Fuuka University. Natsuki's face was cast down and her eyes focused on her old shoes.

"I'm sorry…" The soft Kyoto-ben accent could be heard through the room, making the navy haired woman's head snap up in surprise. Natsuki's eyes were blurred with confusion.

"It will be better this way though…" Natsuki wasn't exactly sure who Shizuru was trying to convince.

"But…I.. I don't want you to leave." Natsuki's voice trembled with emotion. She slowly lifted her eyes and green met burgundy. _'How could she abandon me like this?'_

"Ara, is my little Natsuki missing me already?" Shizuru teased lightly trying to ease the tension that seemed to be growing in the small apartment. Natsuki face became colored with a pink hue, _'How could Shizuru make jokes at a time like this?'_ Natsuki's eyes harden and she pushed her shyness aside.

"Y-Yes…." She paused to take a shaky breath, "Shizuru you… you're my best friend… I.. I don't know what I'll do without you..." Natsuki's voice was trembling; her vulnerable eyes retreated to look at the ground. Shizuru's eyes widened in surprise, that was definitely not what she was expecting from the shy, introverted girl standing in front of her. Natsuki hardly ever spoke of her insecurities with anyone, not even her 'best friend.'

A sharp pain suddenly crushed Shizuru's chest, her resolve was beginning to crumble. Her mind started to fall apart, _'Best friend... Oh my dear, precious Natsuki, your words are the sharpest dagger. You're always ripping open my heart, my soul and all without the slightest idea... I.. I know you are trying to make me feel wanted, needed, but your words only remind me of what I'll always be and what I'll never be able to have...'_ Shizuru's burgundy eyes were obscured by pain and sorrow; she was looking right through Natsuki. The silence began to worry Natsuki, making her look up and when her eyes locked with Shizuru's, she felt a chill run down her spine. _'Her eyes… they're so... hollow...'_ Natsuki looked closer, _'The only other time I've ever seen those eyes was...'_ Images of Shizuru during the Carnival flashed in her mind.

"Sh.. Shizuru?" Natsuki's mouth became exceedingly dry.

At the sound of her concerned voice, Shizuru was startled from her thoughts. She mentally panicked, then, _'Damn,'_ she quickly realized her mistake. Letting her façade slip was not an option. She had to plaster a fake smile across her face as fast as possible.

"Ara, I do believe my Natsuki" -a small smile tugged at the corner of Natsuki's lips- "is quite capable of taking care of herself. Though I must say, I do fear for those unexpecting bachelors at your school." Natsuki's faint smile vanished as Shizuru put her hand to her mouth as if to tell a secret, "Ara, ara, I'm not quite sure if they know just _HOW_ feisty my little Natsuki can get." Natsuki's face burned, the color red rising with every heartbeat, not just from embarrassment, but from anger as well. _'Why doesn't she take ANYTHING I say seriously!? Does she not realize what she's doing to me?'_

Natsuki snapped. She had had enough.

"DAMN IT! Just damn it Shizuru! Just tell me! Tell me why you joke when I'm trying to be serious! Tell me why you wouldn't answer my calls, why-!"

"Natsuki, please… please just calm down..." Shizuru's shaking eyes were full of emotion. She had gone too far this time.

Natsuki was losing any resolve, but she wasn't done just yet. She needed Shizuru to understand what she was saying, she needed her to listen!

"Tell me… tell me why you're leaving me... do I… do I really mean no-" her voice cracked slightly, "-thing to you? Am I just a joke to you?" For the first time in Shizuru's life she saw silent droplets of tears glide down Natsuki's soft face. She was speechless.

Natsuki could taste something... cold, wet, and… salty? Was she crying? She slowly wrapped her arms around herself in an effort to comfort herself and cease her shacking, but to no avail. Whispering, Natsuki began to speak again, losing her inner battles. She was drained and had reached her emotional limits.

"Shizuru.. Don't you love me anymore?" Natsuki's voice was clear as a crystal, but it sounded so vulnerable, so childlike... she just sounded so… betrayed... At that moment, Shizuru's heart shattered into millions of pieces. She could clearly hear the pain that echoed from her most valuable person's voice, she could clearly see the sorrow that was echoed into her loved one's eyes and it was clear to her who was the responsible. She hurt the one whom she treasured the most and she would _NEVER_ forgive herself.

"My dear Natsuki... What do you _want_ me to say?" Shizuru felt cornered. She wanted to tell Natsuki the truth, but she was terrified of hurting the blue-haired beauty again. The one thing Shizuru could not bare was to have Natsuki hate her.

"I want the truth... Shizuru, do I really mean nothing to you?" Natsuki's suddenly strong and confident voice betrayed her eyes.

"No…" Shizuru took a breath and prepared herself, she looked straight into Natsuki's eyes, "On the contrary, Natsuki, you mean _EVERYTHING_ to me. So much that it terrifies me... b-because I've already proven to you that I can't control myself-" Natsuki opened her mouth to argue,"-I know I was being influenced by the Obsidian Lord, but... but he merely brought to the surface what was already buried deep down within me. Those were MY desires, not his… Those were MY fantasies..." Shizuru released a long sigh, "Natsuki, you stole my heart, my WHOLE heart, a long time ago..." Shizuru paused, "all that's left now is a shadow of what was, a shadow of a heart, and I'm afraid that I'll never get it back..."

TBC…

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A/N

End chapter 2, I hope you guys are liking it, I'm actually having a lot of fun writing it. If you have any ideas of would like to see any couples appear drop a comment to let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Much love,

John

p.s. I love my beta...


	3. Chapter 3: Alone

**A/N: CHAPTER 3 HAS BEEN UPDATED**

_updated on 6-18-07_

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A/N: Here's chapter 3 folks, R&R!

Disclaimer: yep.. still nothing… Oh and beware theres lauguage in this chapter.

Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats) -----I love this girl ;-)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 3)

"_Only her love can break the darkness of my heart. _

_She is the only one who can tear down the walls around my heart."_

-Anonymous

"Natsuki, you stole my heart, my WHOLE heart, a long time ago..." Shizuru paused, "all that's left now is a shadow of what was, a shadow of a heart, and I'm afraid that I'll never get it back." Shizuru's eyes were cast down to the ground, "I can't be trusted... Thus.. I.. I've decided that my moving is necessary. The farther away I am, the less harm I will cause you. Don't you see? It's better this way."

"Better for who?! I-If you truly loved me you would stay with me!"

"But Natsuki, I do-"

"You do?! You _love_ me? You love me like my father _loved_ me? You love me like my mother _loved _me?!" Natsuki's voice was drenched with venom. Everyone who had ever claimed to have _'loved' _her had inevitably left. Her mother died, Duran died, her father left and now Shizuru was leaving too; no, Shizuru was _abandoning_ her. She had had enough! Every time she let someone into her heart, her heart would end up being ripped apart, leaving her to pick up the pieces - _alone. _

Natsuki's blue eyes stiffened, she had to get out of there. She just couldn't handle it anymore; she was tired, sore, extremely upset, and truth be told, her brain wasn't fully functioning. So she made up her mind. She would do to Shizuru what Shizuru was planning to do to her, she decided to just leave.

"You know what? Fine! Go ahead and go, I-I don't care anymore. I-I hope you have a happy life! Bye." The words were spat out in a turmoil of rage. Natsuki turned around and stormed angrily out of room and out of Shizuru's life, slamming shut the door behind her.

"N..Natsuki..." Unwanted tears forcefully sprung from Shizuru's eyes as she called after her most precious person, her knees grew weak and she collapsed on the floor...

alone... she was all alone now...

_--end flashback--_

As the memories softly faded into nothingness, Natsuki was able to fell into an uneasy sleep.

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A strong, bright light, shone into Natsuki's room, waking her from her restless sleep.

"Natsuki wake up! Come on, it's 12 o'clock, you can't sleep all day again!" Natsuki grumbled something and rolled over while throwing the covers on the floor.

Mai could tell something was bothering the cobalt haired woman. In the weeks before the carnival, Natsuki was _actually_ starting to open up to people. Little by little she would share some parts of herself with them. Even after the carnival, though she did slightly came back to her old self, she was still doing better. Natsuki was happy, she was smiling more and she seemed more relaxed, just like a castle without its defenses. Then, three days ago, she completely sealed herself. She hardly ever eat, she never left her room, she slept for long periods of time refusing to get up or do anything, and every time she spoke, her words would spill venom and anger. To say that Mai was worried, was an understatement.

"Natsuki.. Please, tell me what's going on…" Mai spoke softly as she sat on the edge of her friend's bed.

"Go the fuck away.." a voice mumbled from under the covers.

But Mai, well, she couldn't give up that easily; she put her hand on Natsuki's shoulder, caressing the girl through the blanket. She was slightly taken aback when she heard a low growl from the other woman.

At this point, she had an idea. She gathered up all of her courage and quietly asked, "Natsuki.. does.. does this have anything to do with the kaichou?" By kaichou Mai was referring the famous ex-president, Shizuru Fujino. Mai could feel Natsuki stiffen under the blanket. She was right, Natsuki reaction confirming her theory.

Mai slowly reached up and pulled away the covers, reveling a blue-haired beauty whose eyes were squeezed shut, the pain obvious on her face.

"Oh Natsuki, what happened? Did you two have a fight or something?" Mai immediately became more worried when the blue haired woman opened her eyes. Mai saw the pain rooted deeply into Natsuki's trembling eyes.

"Please, just tell me what happened…" Mai began stroking Natsuki's hair; they were like a painting, a mother trying to comfort her child.

Natsuki was so tired, she was emotionally drained. She wanted to be alone, but she desperately needed someone to be with her.

"I can't do it.. I just can't do it anymore.." Natsuki's voice was trembling, "I just… I-It hurts.. It hurts _so_ much.." tears were now sliding down her face, she wasn't thinking anymore, her words made no sense, she had finally reached her limit and began to open up.

"why.. why..?" Natsuki kept murmuring, her lips shaking. Mai simply leaned over and held the biker in her arms while she whispered soft word of encouragement into her ear. She hated to see her strong, independent friend just break down like this. She had to do something, anything.

TBC…

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A/N

End chapter 3: Oh my, I wonder what Mai is going to do?

Well I hope you guys are enjoying everything. Again if you have any ideas or ways for me to improve the fic please drop a comment to let me know.

Shout out to Georgia for all her help!

Much love,

John


	4. Chapter 4: Damned for eternity

A/N: Here's Chapter 4, hope you like it...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 4)

_"Out of my life, Out of my mind  
Out of the tears that we can't deny  
We need to swallow all our pride  
And leave this mess behind  
Out of my head, Out of my bed  
Out of the dreams we had, they're bad  
Tell them it's me who made you sad..."_

Anonymous

"Then after multiplying the two products you'll get the value of _X_, which was your beginning variable. Then you must plug _X_ into the new equation…" Mr. Horo, a mathematics professor at Fuuka University, was in the middle of his class when he noticed that, one of the most _beautiful_ pupils, Shizuru Fujino, was lost in a daze. His mischievous eyes were fixed on her, holding much interest while he spoke.

"Once calculated, you should have found that _X 33 _and _Y _-4..." Just as he was finishing, the bell rang, announcing the end of class. Every student grabbed their belongings and nosily shuffled out of the classroom.

"Well then, have a nice day everyone and don't forget to study for your test on friday!" Mr. Horo shouted, trying to cover everyone's noise, though his brown eyes were still intensively watching Shizuru. She failed to notice that everyone else was gone and had yet to move. He took a moment to study her; she was sitting on the far right of the classroom gazing out the window in what he presumed to be her thinking pose. The sun shone thru the window, illuminating her face as though she were an angel. Looking closer, he soon noticed her serious expression and her bottom lip that she was biting in concentration. _'She looks troubled.' _Mr. Horo neatly placed the papers he was holding onto his desk and headed over the breathtaking woman in front of him.

"Ms. Fujino… Ms. Fujino, is everything alright?"

Startled, Shizuru's head snapped up in surprise. 'Where was she?' She looked around slowly and then realization hit her, 'Iie…Watashi…'

"Ms. Fujino?" She could feel the professor's eyes still on her, his gaze making her increasingly uncomfortable, though she was determined to not let it show. She quickly switched into an emotionless mask. A mask that had been perfected over the years and calmly replied:

"I apologize, sir, it won't happen again." she elegantly reached for her things and went to leave but was interrupted by the man who was now standing in front of her.

"My dear, is everything alright? You seem very troubled-" His eyes started to inspect the length of her body. "Really, you know that if there's _anything_ I can do to help…" He let his sentence trail off into the air. Disgust grew in Shizuru's stomach as he continued to stare at her. She slowly gulped and then spoke;

"Thank you, Mr. Horo, but I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. I'm sorry for any inconveniences I might have caused-" Shizuru bowed, "- I have to go home now." Before he could even muster up a reply, she turned and walked in the opposite direction towards the back door.

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Shizuru unlocked her front door and pushed it open. Once inside she slugged off her backpack and her shoes and headed straight to the kitchen. She had an awful headache and hoped that a hot cup of tea would be a good remedy. She turned on the sink faucet, pouring water for her tea. The noisy faucet covered up the knocking that was coming from the front door. The knocking had stopped by the time the faucet had been removed. Still unaware of her guest, Shizuru sat down at her table waiting for the water to boil.

Different voices began to echo in her head,_ "Natsuki, you stole my heart, my WHOLE heart, a long time ago..." _

_"Better for who?! I-If you truly loved me you would've stayed with me…!"_

_"You know what? Fine! Go ahead and go, I-I don't care anymore. I-I hope you live a happy life! B-Bye!" _Shizuru's heart continued to pound rapidly as the voices became deafening in her head. Tears of pain and sorrow trickled down her face. _'I deserve this… all of this…'_

"Shizuru?" Her head snapped up, surprising her for the second time that day, and standing in front of her was none other than Mai Tokiha.

T.B.C.

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A/N

Chapter 5 will be up VERY soon, don't forget to R&R!

Much love,

John

p.s. Looking 4 love quotes!


	5. Chapter 5: Oblivion

A/N: Here's Chapter 5, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 5)

_"I love you, not for what you are,  
but for what I am when I am with you..."_

Roy Croft

"Ummm, ano, Shizuru-san, are you ok?" For a split second confusion spread across Shizuru's face, then she realized she was crying. She angrily wiped her eyes, and when she found that her attempts to stop the tears flowing are pointless, she lowered her head and looked away from Mai's gaze.

"Ara, Mai-san, to what do I own this pleasure?" trying as best as she could, Shizuru attempted to disguise the pain and distress that was in her voice, pretending that nothing was wrong. She lowered her head a little more, causing her bangs to cast a shadow over her eyes. She tried to distract Mai by teasing, "Ara, ara, I never did take you as someone who would break into other's homes." She tried to plaster a smile on her face.

"I-I didn't mean to.. I mean, I-I knocked, but no one answered… a-and the door was left open.. I..I mean, I just.. " Mai was blustering, desperately trying to give Shizuru a suitable excuse as to why she had trespassed into her house. _'Stop this Mai, you came here for Natsuki's sake, don't screw it up!' _Taking a deep breath Mai prepared herself.

"Shizuru, I'm here because of Natsuki." Shizuru's head lifted immediately causing her wet burgundy eyes to become visible again.

"What happened? Is she ok? Did something happen? Did-" Shizuru immediately started to panic.

"Shizuru please, calm down! Natsuki is ok.. Well.. I mean she's.. _physically_ ok…" she paused, "_Emotionally_, she's a wreck…," Mai then took a deep breath and continued, "Shizuru I-I'm really worried about her… I don't know what to do, she's starting to really frighten me…" a pause, " I-I need your help.. _She_ needs your help…" Shizuru's head turned to the side, her eyes dropped down to the floor.

"I-I'm sorry… but I can't help you…" She chocked on her words as more tears came. _'God, why am I so weak?!' _she thought bitterly.

"Shizuru-san… What happened between you two?" Mai just had to know.

"Nothing happened… " pain edged it's way into her voice, "I'm.. I'm just doing what is best for us.."

"Really? And what might that be?" Shizuru glanced up at Mai, a small breath she didn't know she was holding escaped her lips.

"I love her.. She.. Natsuki deserves the best.. She deserves to be happy and safe…" She took a slow breath, "and I.. Well, I deserve _this_.." she referred to the empty space in front of her.

"This? What do you mean?" Mai was completely confused by the cryptic words.

"I deserve nothing…" in a small voice she continued, "I.. I deserve to be alone…" Her chest immediately constricted as soon as the words had left her mouth.

"No you **don't**! _No one _deserves that. I-I can't even begin to understand why you would think something like that, b-but-" Mai paused and tried to relax, "Shizuru-san, you're a good person. You _deserve_ to be happy." A haunted smile appeared on Shizuru's face, her eyes looked almost demonic in the dim light.

"No.. I'm a horrible person… I'm _sick-_" She spat out the word as though it were poison. Her voice became soft again, "I've hurt her… I-I've betrayed her.. I _promised_ that I'd do _whatever _it took to protect her, to make sure that she was safe…and.. I failed.." her voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "I couldn't even protect her from myself."

"Shizuru-san, can't you see!? She's absolutely miserable without you! She's like a damn puppet, she completely stopped functioning! Ever since you left, she hardly leaves her room, she doesn't eat, nor talk to anyone and.. And…" Mai's looked away, not wanting to met Shizuru's eyes, "I.. I can hear her call for you.. during the night.." Tears were beginning to form in Mai's eyes, but she had to calm down, she had to make thing better…

"Please Shizuru-san, just.. just come back…" Mai was literally begging now.

_'She just has to come back, she-'_

"I can't..."

_'What?!_' Mai couldn't believe her ears. Natsuki was supposed to be Shizuru's most precious person and yet… here she was, that same Shizuru, refusing to come back and help...

"I just don't understand you! Y-You said that you '_love' _her, a-and yet here you are, _refusing _to help her!" Mai was beyond angry, she was so furious!

"I _do_ love her… but.. Her '_love'_ and my _'love' _are.. are different…." her voice trailed off into the nothingness. Mai was taken aback. She had had her suspicions of the two, but those words just confirmed it.

"Shizuru…", she said unaware of the name's closeness…"I'm sure she'll understand… She cares for you, maybe more than she realizes…"

"God, you just don't understand do you?! Whenever I'm around her, I want to touch her, I-I want to feel her body against mine, I want to wake up next to her every morning, I want her all to myself… I-I want to make her _mine." _Mai could clearly hear the self-disgust in Shizuru's voice, "Every little thing she does intoxicates me… I can't control myself when I'm near her, I can't even think straight. I've become terrified of myself, terrified of what I might do when I finally lose it!" she paused to try to calm herself, "Mai-san,please understand. I did not leave Natsuki because I don't love her, I left because I love her _too_ much…" Her headache from before was still present and was becoming unbelievably painful, her eyes became unfocused, "I.. I know that I'm sick.. that I'm disgusting, to her, to the world... but I.. I just can't help it… she's my everything…" tears freely flowed down her beautiful face. Mai slowly hugged the shaking girl, trying to soothe her.

"Oh, don't say things like that… I can assure you that you're not sick _or_ disgusting. Shizuru-san, you're a human and humans have feelings. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling, just because some people might not accept your feelings. That doesn't mean that they're sick or disgusting."

T.B.C.

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A/N

Chapter six coming soon, R&R!

Much love,

John

p.s. Looking 4 love quotes!


	6. Chapter 6: Wounded

A/N:

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)  
I love her and all her hard work ;-)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 6)

_"Love has its own time, its own season,_

_its own reasons for coming and going._

_You cannot bribe it or coax it into staying._

_You can only embrace it when it arrives and_

_give it away when it comes to you..."_

-Unknown

The following day Mai decided to have a little chat with a certain blue-haired roommate of hers. After talking with Shizuru last night it had become plainly obvious that the stubborn Kyoto-ben woman was more than determined to cut herself off from everything, including Natsuki.

_'Maybe if I can just get them together again they'll be able to work things out..'_

Mai thought desperately, trying to think up a plan.

_'Well, I'm pretty sure that the kaichou will be too clever to tricked.. So then, that leaves-'_

"I'm goin' for a ride.." Natsuki said curtly, she had just entered the living room dressed in her bike gear and was heading towards the front door.

_'Speak of the devil..' _a sly smile spread across Mai's face.

"Umm, Natsuki!" Mai stood and walked quickly toward the door, trying to reach the blue-haired woman.

"Mai?", Natsuki responded, trying to get out as soon possible, leaving Mai's name as a question.

Then, she reached Natsuki's hand, not letting go. Without turning back, Natsuki asked in a breathless voice: "What?"

Searching for the right words, Mai stood there speechless, restraining Natsuki's hand.

"Let go of me.", she said while trying to free her hand.

"Please it's really important. I need you to deliver something to a friend of mine." Mai zoomed past Natsuki and now her back was pressed fully against the front door in hopes of stalling her friend long enough to talk to her.

"Can't, busy." Natsuki was quickly becoming irritated.

"Well, I have no transportation seeing as I have no car and seeing as you won't let me go with in 10ft of your bike _and_ seeing as you're already on your way out…"

"Fine! Whatever, I'll do it, but I'm just delivering, that's it. I'm not going to talk to anyone or wait around for them to show up." a bright smile crossed Mai's face.

"Oh, thank you Natsuki!" Mai leaned forward and gave her a tight hug.

Natsuki grumbled what sounded like profanity and pushed Mai off.

"Get off me already. I'm in a hurry, so, just give me the damn thing and tell me where to go."

Mai ran to her room and grabbed the first book she saw, which happened to be lying on her counter, and ran happily back to the biker. She handed over the book and gave Natsuki directions to her 'friend's house.' She watched as her roommate finally left their small apartment and smiled.

Actually, Mai didn't have a friend that needed that book. In fact, the directions that she had given to the blue-haired woman, were directions to none other than Shizuru Fujino's new apartment. Of course Natsuki didn't know where Shizuru's new apartment was, which is what gave Mai the idea for her plan.

--------------------------

_"Ring… Ring… Ring…" _a soft blue light illuminated the nightstand. Shizuru woke with a start. She had laid down for a nap after spending the previous night studying and attending school in the morning. Sighing in frustration she glanced over at her clock, 4:00 pm. With a defeated yawn, she reached over and picked up her cell phone.

"Fujino.."

"Fujino-san! It's Juliet, you know, your lab partner?" came the cherry voice from the other side.

"Ara, yes of course, Juliet-san. How might I be of service?"

"Well I was wondering if we could get together and work on our project. I've already started with the notes, but it'll take both of us to finish the research paper."

Shizuru's head suddenly started to pound from exhaustion, in response she slowly began to rub her temple trying to relieve the pain.

"Ara, well I do believe you're right,-"

_"Might as well get this over with…"_

"-would you mind coming over tonight to finish it?"

"Of course, Shizuru-san, I'd be delighted! See you in half an hour! " came the bubbly reply from her fan-girl-lab-partner.

"beep.." and the blue light from her cell phone faded.

Shizuru threw the covers off and gracefully slid out of bed. Silently she strode to the bathroom, grabbing comfortable but practical clothes off her counter as she went.

-----

_"Dooong…dooong…" _The doorbell from the front door echoed through the new apartment.

Looking through the peephole in the door, Shizuru quickly identified her lab partner, Juliet. Shizuru stepped back and took a deep breath as though preparing for what came next. She reached down and opened the door.

"Hello Juliet-san."

"Hello Shizuru-san!" An extremely wide smile spread across her face as she beamed up at her idol.

"Douzo." Shizuru stepped back and allowed Juliet to follow her into the living room, where her lab top had been set up. They sat down and began their work in silence.

Once they had finished all their research it was time to start writing up the report. Shizuru was completely focused on typing up the report, trying as best she could to finish as soon as possible. But as her attention remained on the computer screen, her guest took the time to gaze at her.

Juliet's eyes hungrily took in Shizuru's white button up blouse. She took great notice, and pleasure, of the first three undone buttons, allowing her a glimpse of the soft flesh that lay underneath. Her eyes greedily drifted lower so that she could clearly see the women in front of hers full, ample chest straining against her shirt. Juliet swallowed hard and shook her head. The sudden movement caught Shizuru's attention.

"Ara, I think a break should clear our minds. How about some tea?" She smiled politely at the girl across from her.

"Oh that'd be wonderful, thank you!" Juliet replied hastily as she stifled a fake yawn to hide her blush.

Shizuru rose gracefully and went to prepare some tea for the both of them.

T.B.C.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A/N

Chapter seven will be out real soon, don't forget to R&R!

-John

p.s. I'm still Looking for quotes. So if you have a favorite love quote please drop a comment. ;-)


	7. Chapter 7: Over

A/N:

Chapter 7, Whoop, whoop!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 7)

"Bottled up inside are the words  
I never said, the feelings that I hide,  
the lines you've never read..."

-Unknown

Shizuru returned in a few minutes holding two steaming cups of tea. She lend over and placed one cup on the table, then took a seat on the couch across the room that faced the door, motioning with her free hand for Juliet to come join.

They sipped tea together quietly, an awkward silence covering them. Juliet fidgeted uncomfortably, turning so that she could see the stunning women next to her.

"Are you alright? You seem to be really.. sad." came a quiet voice next to Shizuru, causing her to turn her head, a small, eerie smile spread across her flawless face.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No... not unless you can turn back time…" Shizuru replied softly, her eyes now gazed longingly out the window.

"Do you... Well, do you still love him? If not then.."

The statement caused Shizuru to blink several times out of shock. She turned around the face the girl next to her. She couldn't lie anymore, she just couldn't pretend anymore.

"Of course.. Of course I..." she paused filling her lungs with air, "Of course I-I loved her..So much so that it scares me..." her voice was barley above a whisper.

Juliet's jaw dropped slightly and her eyes, never once leaving Shizuru's face, widened in surprise. It took her a moment to fully grasp what the woman in front of her had just said and with that recognition came a smile. A small, calculating smile.

"I can help. I can make you forget... if you'd like…" Juliet's voice trailed off as she gazed into the Goddess's captivating burgundy eyes.

Shizuru's brow furrowed as she thought about what the other woman had said.

"How?" She asked innocently, cocking her head to the side.

A mischievous smile spread across Juliet's face as she slowly lend in towards Shizuru's lips.

--

Lights streaked by as Natsuki pushed her bike to it's limits. She glanced down at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand that held directions. She had been out driving for a few hours until she finally decided to deliver the book for Mai. Once going through her last turn she pulled her bike to a stop and gazed up at the many apartments. She glanced down at the bottom paper again:

_**Apartment 16-A on floor 1**_

Sighing she picked up the book and headed towards room 16-A.

"14-A… 15-A… aw, finally, 16-A…" Natsuki mumbled.

As she walked closer to the door she saw that the door was cracked open.

_'Who in their right mind would leave the door open at this time of night?'_

Natsuki's curiosity turned immediately into concern once she heard a loud shattering noise coming from inside the house.

--

Juliet's lips were soft, but the force of her kiss combined with the weight of her body, that was now heavily lining into Shizuru's, caused both women to fall flat on the couch, which made the empty tea cup that Shizuru had been holding fall noisily to the hard ground and shatter into pieces. Everything was happening so fast. Shizuru's eyes were wide with the shock at the other woman's actions. Her mind was reeling, but oddly enough, even though she was feeling extremely uncomfortable, she didn't push the other women off. Slowly she closed her eyes as the other woman proceeded to touch her.

_'Natsuki…my sweet, precious Natsuki… I wonder how it would feel if you were to be the one on top of me… the one kissing me…'_

"THUMP!" the loud noise echoed through the house, causing both women to separate and look up at the source of the sound.

Shizuru's eyes first darted to the thick book that now lay on the ground in front of her door and then to the black riding boots that were right behind it. Her burgundy eyes widened in horror as her eyes trailed up the leather clad body of the woman in front of her, until her search came to an ending, finding the striking green eyes that were filled with shock, disbelief and... pain?

"Natsuki…" was only sound she could chock out.

Natsuki's green eyes began to sparkle with tears as she took an unsteady step backwards.

"N-Natsuki…" Shizuru desperately called out again as she slipped out from underneath Juliet and stood up shaking.

Natsuki's head shook in disbelief, she turned on her heal and ran. She ran as fast as she could, her legs leading her to her bike. She jumped on and speed off.

Without thinking, Shizuru ran off after her, running straight to her car and jumped in.

Juliet watched bitterly as Shizuru, the woman she loved, speed off after another. Breathless, her eye's clouded in thought, she murmured: "So close, yet…"

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please, R&R tell me what you think.

-John


	8. Chapter 8: Frightened

A/N:

Chapter 8, sry for the wait.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 8)

"The inequity of fate  
The pains of love and hate  
The heart-sick memories  
That brought you to your knees"

JUDGEMENT lyrics - Anathema

"What's taking Natsuki so long? I hope everything turns out alright…", Mai spoke to herself…

_'She's probably furious with me.' A_ small, evil smile spread across Mai's face, _'Ahh, I wish I were there to have seen her face when she ran into Shizuru-san. But I'm sure she'll forgive me once the two of them work everything out. Hmm, I wonder how long it'll take. I should probably make some extra food for her, just in case she will show up for dinner...'_

"Perhaps something with mayonnaise…" Mai stood up, but was stopped by a light tugging on her shirt.

"Mai.."

She turned around and looked at her younger roommate. Mikoto had an odd expression on her face, her brows knitted together in confusion.

"What is it, Mikoto?" she asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"I… well, umm.." Mikoto's eyes shifted toward the floor, almost with a shy expression. Mai started to become sincerely worried, Mikoto never acted like this. Whatever was making her act like this _must_ be very serious. Mai sat back down and put a reassuring arm around the small girl.

"What's wrong?", Mai's eyes found the other girl's eyes.

The skinny girl had noticeably stiffened when Mai's arm made contact with her skin. She gulped and took a deep breath, getting herself ready for the unspoken words.

"Well, last night…", she began, her voice quiet enough to be heard only by the red headed girl "When I was asleep.. I… well", Mikoto stumbled on her words, her eyes full of concern. "I felt all _funny_…" her voice trailed off.

"Funny? How so, Mikoto?" Mai leaned in closer, trying to understand what her little friend wanted to tell her.

"Well, I was having a dream, and I was in your room and.. me and yo-"

**"BAM!" **The front door was slammed angrily open. Natsuki had just stormed furiously into the apartment, followed closely by Shizuru who, caught the door before it could close, stopped walking, and stood quietly there, waiting. Mai and Mikoto both jumped up quickly, turned around, and watched the dramatic scene unfold in front of them, their mouths wide open.

"Natsuki _onegai_, just listen! It's not what you think!" Shizuru pleaded from the door, her words causing Natsuki to stop her stride and turn around.

"_Not what I think? _Oh ok, so she just _accidentally_ fell on you and landed on your lips and _you_ just 'happened' to-"

Shizuru's head was shaking violently, as if the shaking could stop the other woman's words from affecting her.

"Natsuki, you don't understand. I didn't-", Shizuru's voice was now a quiet whisper.

"-_I don't understand? _Oh, trust me, I _understand_ perfectly. I _understand_ how you used me, how-", but she was cut off by Shizuru's trembling and cornered voice.

"Natsuki, I'd never-" her desperate attempt to make the other woman stop, back fired, causing Natsuki's voice to elevate over hers.

"-HOW you enjoy _toying_ with other people, how you're a…" Natsuki paused, trying to reconsider her words…"a _whore_ who'll let just about anyone jump on you-"

Shizuru was in complete shock, tears of pain flowed freely down her face. A large lump caught painfully inside her throat at Natsuki's cruel words.

"No..." the word was bearly audiable.

"-you're… you're _sick_… and I-I can't believe I.. I ever…" her voice trailed off as she turned her back to Shizuru, hiding the tears that were sure to come. Her head bent down, causing her soft blue-tinted hair to cover her untrustworthy eyes. Her arms protectively circled her own body in a hug. Pain ripped mercilessly through her chest making each breath a chore.

_'Shizuru… why…what.. what did I do to deserve this? Was I just not enough-'_

"STOP IT!" The sudden, uncharactristic outburst startled Natsuki causing the raven haired women to lift her head in surprise, her brows furrowed in confusion as she stared in shock at the visably trembaling beauty in front of her.

"Natsuki... I.. I know what you saw.. I.. I know what it looked like.. and.. and I'm sorry.. I.. I don't know what happened.. Please! Please believe me when I say that none, absolutely NONE of this was my intention! Juliet.. She.. She was just trying to.. to help.." wet, pleading eyes bored into Natsuki's.

"HELP!? She was trying to help!? How the fuck was she trying to help!? How does having her fucking hands and mouth all over your body help!?" Natsuki's thin frame began to shake with furry. "How.. how does being with..." Natsuki's furry melted away to reviel her pain and anguish. "with someone else help.. help you..? I.. I just dont understand... How..?"

"Natsuki.. I.. She.. She was _trying_ to help me..she thought that.. that distracting me would.. some how help me.." Shizuru was no longer looking at Natsuli anymore. Her eyes had fallen shamefully to the ground.

"Distract you..? Distract you from what!?" quiet tears full of pain slide down Natuskis face.

"From you..."

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please, R&R.

Thanks,

John


	9. Chapter 9: Apocalypse

A/N:

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 9)

"And I refuse to believe in some of the things that are said to be here  
Let alone those that are not  
I'm trying to change my direction  
Ours is pathetic in my own humble estimation"

HOPE lyrics- Anathema

_"From you..." _Nasuki's eyes widened... her brows again meeting together in confusion.

Shizuru's voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

"I-" she swallowed giving herself time to think, "-I _am_ sick… I-I've tried to forget, believe me, I've tried to move on... but I can't…I-" her voice changed, becoming one of pure disgust. The voice's change caused Natsuki to turn her head and stare at the other woman. She took the time to study her- the woman's hands were now balled into shaking fists, her whole body seemed to be trembling, her head was dipped down making her beautiful caramel hair flow like a see-through curtain over her face, none left of that woman's stoic image. The enchanting scene reminded Natsuki of a beautiful display through a foggy window, a lone silhouette painfully struggling to live on. _"What a waste to cover up such a beauty..." _but Shizuru's tone of voice snapped her out of her daze.

"I… I'm sick and disgusting and I wasn't thinking, but.. but I am not a whore.." Shizuru whispered, "I-I've realized that I would never, no matter how hard I tried, be worthy enough for you… But I still tried! I still killed myself to always be there for you, always give you my help you when you asked for it, always put you first with out expecting anything in return.. And even after you clearly showed me that with out a doubt I'd never be anything to you I.. I still foolishly, tried again. but from a different angle.. I told myself that if I couldn't make you mine… If I-I couldn't make you happy… then.. then I'd do everything in my power to keep you safe. To make sure that nothing hurt you. well.. at least until you found a person that made you truly happy, someone worthy, someone that could protect you themselves.. and then I could finally leave.. because.. because I'd know that you had found someone, found person that you could trust and love-"

"Stop it! Just stop.." Natsuki's firm voice broke in.

Shizuru fought back the urge to break down right then and there. So she did the only thing she had the strength left to do, she turned around slowly, heading for the door.

"As you wish my Natsuki..." Shizuru's voice was barley above a whisper, _"There's no point anymore…I…should just leave…for good.", _the lovely kaichou thought. Head aching, heart sinking, trembling hands, she had finally come to the end. _"My end…" _Her vision had become a total blur. She tried to just followed her feet, praying that they'd be strong enough to carry her our of the apartment, out of-

Soft, delicate lips silenced her. She couldn't think, couldn't react. Her eyes went wide, she sucked her breath in her, heart felt as though it had just been shocked back to life. She felt like someone who had just woken up from a long coma. She couldn't remember anything, not where she was, not what she was doing, not even who she was. The only thing that registered in her mind was the soft, delicious name that slipped from her lips.

"_Natsuki_…"

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please R&R.

-John


	10. Chapter 10: Hold me forever

A/N:

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: still nothing...  
Story's Beta: Georgia (shiznats)

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 10)

"…and I swear I never knew, I never knew how it could be  
and all this time all I had inside was what I couldn't see  
I swear I never knew, I never knew  
how it couldn't be…"

Anathema - Temporary Peace lyrics

"_Natsuki_…" she moaned into the now slightly aggressive kiss. Her eyes shut as she leaned, fully pressing her body, into the other woman. Natsuki responded by turning, never breaking the kiss, to the wall right next to the door and pushed Shizuru up against it. She pulled back for a second, allowing the other woman a chance to catch her breath and swiftly dipped her head into the other woman's naked neck. She started kissing and sucking on anything in her reach causing Shizuru to throw her head back and bite her bottom lip, trying to hold in the moan that was sure to erupt at any moment.

Shizuru's whole body was shaking, her hands desperate to hold on to something.

Slowly, painfully, the kiss broke, but Natsuki kept her face close, their noses grazed each other. The raven girl's eyes were still shut, savoring the moment. It was just them, no one else mattered, no one else existed. _'Just me and my goddess…_' her thoughts echoed, fading into nothingness.

Then her mind was bombarded with vivid image of a caramel hair goddess, _her_ goddess, being torn from her hands, from her life, forever.

"Please, Shizuru… I.. I'm sorry.. please... Please stay with me…" The hurt and pain in Natsuki's words made her voice foreign. She could feel the chestnut girl start to tremble underneath her hands, "I.. I just-" the trembling became worse; her eyes snapped open in concern, "S-Shizuru..?" she was taken aback when she saw the tears streaming down the other woman's face and felt her body shaking, now violently, beneath her hands. Not knowing exactly what to do, she followed her instincts. Natsuki used both of her hands to gently lift up the other woman's face so that she could look into the beautiful burgundy eyes.

"Stop.. Please d-don't do this…" Shizuru was begging, her eyes quivering as they stared into the endless green pits, hovering slightly above her. She knew that, if she kept looking she would lose herself in them, utterly and completely. With great effort, Shizuru was able to finally turn her head, looking in any direction other than Natsuki's. She suddenly felt weak from the effort. Her legs were trembling then shaking; she was falling. Both emotional and physical.

"Why?… Why do you always make everything so hard for me? Why can't you just let me go… It would be better that way." Her voice suddenly became hard, more forceful. "I would be alone, unable to hurt you, unable to hurt _anyone_, especially you… and you.. you would be happy… you would find someone… someone better than me…someone who would… who _could_ make you happy-" startled eyes looked into burgundy ones.

"But.. but Shizuru, I-I want _you_!" several emotion, she didn't even know she had, started to bubble up in her chest like a volcano ready to erupt. "When… When you left me I-I realized that I couldn't... that I _CAN'T_ live without you! I-I couldn't stop thinking of you, I…" she took a deep breath trying to prepare herself for what she was about to say, "S-Shizuru I… I think I-"

"No!" Shizuru eyes snapped open as she stood up harshly. She was now looking down at a kneeling Natsuki, her voice bitter.

"You.. You are too young and naive to know anything! You don't know what you want. You don't know what's best for you." All emotion slipped from the elegant woman's face, replacing it with a mask: a cold, hard, lifeless mask.

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please R&R. Next chapter will HOPEFULLY be up soon.

Much love,

John


	11. Chapter 11: Eternity

A/N: SO sorry about the wait! But I've updated and rewriten chapters 7, 8, 9, and 10 so take a look at them.

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: still nothing...

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 11)

"Love starts with a smile, Grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear."  
Unknown

"_No!" Shizuru stood up harshly. She was now looking down at a kneeling Natsuki, her voice bitter. _

"_You are too young and naive to know anything. You don't know what you want." The elegant woman's face was now covered by a mask: a cold hard lifeless mask._

The sharp words settled over head, weighting down Natsuki's head and filling it with thought.

"…_too young… and naïve?" She's acting as though I'm a child!' _

"_Why?… Why do you always make everything so hard for me? Why cant you just let me be… It would be better that way…" perhaps she's right… perhaps I-I am a child… a stupid, selfish and naïve child…Shizuru.. My sweet, beautiful goddess deserves so much more. She deservers someone can be her match, someone to be her equal. Not a silly, young, naïve child.'_

Natsuki's silence pierced the caramel haired women's heart. After many seconds, a haze that lasted an eternity, had pasted Shizuru turned and headed towards the door. Her perfect mask never slipping. As she made her way to her destination she began to experience a sensation that felt as though the center of her heart had been torn, unwillingly, from her chest and lay bleeding on the floor besides the crumbled woman.

The last thing Natsuki registered before submitting to the chaos in her mind was the harsh click of a door shutting.

--

"Beep... Beep…" A small alley way just outside of Fuuka, swallowed completely by the night, was penetrated by a soft blue hue. The blue light flashed in time with the gentle, but demanding, beeps. A dark figure emerged from a side corner of the alley, reaching into their pocket they withdrew a small cellular phone. The shrouded figure flipped open the phone silencing the beeps.

"Hello." came a soft feminine voice.

"Status report." A deep, contrasting male voice echoed back from the other line.

"Mission I.C.E. has commenced. A few obstacles have arisen but nothing that will hinder obtaining our goal."

"The margin for error is small. We can not afford any mistakes. How far has the mission progressed?"

"Progression is minimal but efficient for the given time frame. I have made contact with the target and have managed to infiltrate the bond between her and her key. All in all sir I'd say the mission is right on schedule."

"Understood, but keep in mind the targets abnormalities. I'd be disappointed to find that you've underestimated the targets abilities. I'll be checking in on your progress in one weeks time. Same place, same time. Beep-" the call ended with the silence.

A small sigh escaped the shadowed figure.

"Very well, I better get moving." The figure tucked the phone into their pocket, shutting off the only light source and letting the darkness engulf her.

The woman's voice rang out in the darkness.

"I wonder how my beautiful princess is fairing.. I hope I didn't get her in to too much trouble.." the moon reflected on the menacing smirk that now adorned the figures face.

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please R&R. should I continue?

Much love,

John


	12. Chapter 12: A World Apart

A/N: I didn't really read and edit this, so if you find any mistakes or errors please let me no. Also if you have anything you'd like to see happen let me know ;-)

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own a car... that's about it..

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 12)

Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.  
- David Grayson

"Beep... Beep… Hello?" a familiar feminine voice asked from the opposite end of the phone.

"J-Juliet… I.-"

"Shizuru!? Are you ok? What happened.. You just ran off.. I-I was so worried.." Juliet's voice sounded concerned and upset.

"Can.. Can you come back over..? I.. I don't want to be alone right now.." Shizuru voice sounded strained, like she had recently been crying.

"Of course! I.. I'll be over in a couple of minutes!" Juliet's voice took on a more excited tone as she excepted the beautiful woman's request.

"T-Thank you… I-It really means a lot to me.." Shizuru's voice faded away as the dial tone of the phone signaled the end of the conversation.

--

"Shizuru..? Um.. It's me.. Juliet." a light knock preceded the soft words grabbing the attention of the caramel hair Goddess.

The doorknob turned revealing a very sad and devastated looking Shizuru. Juliet gasped as she took in the sight before her.

"Shizuru… W-What happened?" The woman in question opened the door wider and stepped back, allow Juliet to cross the threshold of her new apartment. Hesitantly she followed the other woman into the house, closing the door shut behind her.

"Was she the one you had been talking about from before…? The one you said you loved?"

"Yes.. That was my Natsuki…" Shizuru's voice again gave off the hint of resent tears.

"I'm sorry.. I-I only meant to help.. I… I care about you so much Shizuru.. I.. I was only trying to make the hurting stop…" Juliet spoke to Shizuru's turned back. She hesitantly took a step forward.

"I-I know.. It.. It was my fault.. It was all my fault.. I.. I just don't know what to do any more.. I.. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.. Just because I deserve to suffer gives me no right to bring others down with me.. It.. It is my burden to bear.. I.. I'm sorry I called you… I-I had no right.. I.. I just.." Shizuru's words were interrupted by her soft, delicate sobs. Juliet could even make out Shizuru's trembling form in the dark room. Juliet instinctively followed her feet to the spot right behind Shizuru. She leaned forward and slipped her arms around the other woman's waist, pressing her body into Shizuru's soft but defined back. She rested her head on the trembling shoulder in front of her.

"No.. You don't deserve this.. You don't deserve any of this pain.. You deserve someone that can understand you.. Someone that can take care of you.. Someone that will love you back.." Shizuru stiffened at the words.

Juliet's arms slipped from around the other woman's waist and reached up to her shoulders. She then slowly turned Shizuru's trembling body around to face her.

"Please.. Let me be that person.." and as though to put meaning to her words Juliet leaned forward and, for the second time that night, their lips met.

The kiss deepened. Juliet was determined to show Shizuru what she could offer. But the other woman's lack of response was slowly hindering her efforts. Juliet had had enough. She wanted to make the other woman want her. No matter how dirty she had to played. Juliet pushed against Shizuru, leading her to the couch that they had occupied earlier that night. With a final push she successfully reached her goal. Shizuru was laying on her back now looking up at Juliet with eyes that shimmered with confusion, pain, doubt and.. desire..? This only seemed to reinforce her earlier plan as she leaned down, straddling the gorgeous woman under her. She reached a hand out and brush a stay caramel hair behind the Goddesses ear. She leaned down again to recapture the swollen lips beneath her.

-- Shizuru's prov

Shizuru sat all alone on her couch in the middle of her dark apartment. Thick, soundless tears spilled from her eyes. A light knock snapped her out of her daze. A soft timid voice sounded from the other side of the door.

"Shizuru..? Um.. It's me.. Juliet."

Of course, she had been expecting her. Shizuru stood and slowly made her way to the door, not trusting her voice to speak. She turned the doorknob, pushing the door open half way. Before her Juliet gasped as her eyes came in contact with Shizuru's tear streeked face.

"Shizuru… W-What happened?" In response to the other woman's question she simply opened the door wider and stepped back. She still didn't trust her voice to hold up. Juliet crossed the threshold of the apartment. Not wanting to see the other woman's expression towards her anymore she turned and slowly made her way back to the middle of the room, a few paces away from the ouch she had just vacated. She heard a soft click as Juliet closed the door and followed her further into the dark apartment. Shizuru could feel more than hear the soft padding of the other woman's feet as she made her way to stand several feet behind her.

"Was she the one you had been talking about from before…? The one you said you loved?"

Fresh pain ripped through her chest.. _'Was she the one…?' _

"Yes..-" her voice broke as her mind swirled with thought, '_Yes she's always been the one.. She's always been my one and only..'_ her voice was still shaky from the recent crying, "-my Natsuki…" a fresh tear trailed unwillingly down her soft cheek.

"I'm sorry.. I-I only meant to help.. I… I care about you so much Shizuru.. I.. I was only trying to make the hurting stop…" Juliet stammered with sorrow from behind.

"_No.. I've had enough.. I.. I cant keep hurting people.. They don't deserve this madness.. They shouldn't have to deal with someone.. Something like me.. I have to fix this.. I.. I can't hurt anyone else…"_

"I-I know.. It.. It was my fault.. It was all my fault.. I.. I just don't know what to do any more.. I.. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.. Just because I deserve to suffer gives me no right to bring others down with me.. It.. It is my burden to bear.. I.. I'm sorry I called you… I-I had no right.. I.. I just.." It was too much.. She couldn't handle the pain anymore. Her body surrendered to the quiet but forceful sobs. Shizuru's focus was too completely absorbed by the new on slaughter of pain that she failed to notice the other woman standing so closely behind her. But when the other woman slipped her soft, delicate arms around her waist, pressing her body into Shizuru's own in the process, she was startled back into reality. Shizuru tried to hold the pain at bay as she felt Juliet's head lay gently against her heavily burdened shoulder.

"No.. You don't deserve this.. You don't deserve any of this pain.. You deserve someone that can understand you.. Someone that can take care of you.. Someone that will love you back.." Shizuru's eyes snapped fully open, her body going rigid at the words. _'What is she saying..? Does she mean that we.. That she and I-'_

Shizuru felt Juliet's every move as the other woman slipped her arms from their resting place around her waist to replacing the spot on her shoulder where her head had been. Shizuru felt the other woman slowly turn her still trembling body around to face her. They were now face to face, something that sent shivers down Shizuru's spine.

"Please.. Let me be that person.." Shizuru's mind whirled, _'Be that person..? why.. why would anyone willingly choose me? after all I've done.. After all I'm still capable of doing? I was never meant to be happy.. never meant to have my true heart's desire.. She.. she simply pities me.. she-'_

Her thoughts were silenced by thin but forceful lips. The kiss wasn't as intense or anywhere as mind boggling as Natsuki's had been… This kiss lacked the toe curling, shiver inducing, mind malfunctioning, qualities that Natsuki's kiss possessed.. but.. it was still a kiss and if she squeezed her eyes tight enough.. and if she could just concentrated hard enough on the image of her Natsuki... Then.. Than maybe it wasn't so bad after all..

The kiss deepened. Shizuru responded by squeezing her eyes tightly shut. She was only slightly conscience of Juliet pushing against her, though to where they would end she hadn't the slightest idea. But she was quickly answered as she felt the other woman push her backwards against the couch. Shizuru was laying on her back, eyes opened in surprise. She tried focusing through wet eyes at the woman towering over her. Shizuru's mind was racing so fast that she wasn't able to think coherently anymore. The strain on her mind only increased as the other woman climbed over her, straddling her and pinning her into the couch. She felt the other woman's hand brush away a stay hair from her face to behind her ear. Shizuru shut her eyes once more, clearing her mind from anymore thoughts and letting her bare, primal instincts take over. She grow hunger as the other woman leaned down to recapture her lips, but this time she leaned forward, taking what she wanted.

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please R&R. Next chapter coming if you want it.

-John


	13. Chapter 13: Reality

A/N: again I sux with the editing, so if you find any mistakes or errors please let me no.

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: will write for money ;) 

**Shadow of a Heart  
**(Chapter 13)

" I may not get to see you as often as I like.

I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night.

But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

-Unknown

"Beep... Beep… Beep..!" Just outside of Fuuka, a small, familiar alley way was disturbed by a soft mechanical beeping. A blue light flashed in time with the demanding beeps. The beeping cellular phone was withdrawn from a pocket then flipped open.

"Hello." greeted a smug female voice.

"Status report." the reply was gruff and impatient.

"Mission I.C.E. is progressing quite successfully, Sir. I was able to over come the main target's obstacle."

"So quickly? Hmm.. Very impressive J, but might I inquire to the where abouts of the feed?"

"Of course, Sir. I set up and connected the feed around dusk, but my efforts were doubly rewarded as the night went on. I was able to also gather enough _information_ to help us complete our mission successfully." The woman's voice dripped with smugness.

"A job well done. I commend you, your efforts have enabled us to continue with phase two of Mission I.C.E."

"Yes Sir, and thank you. I don't like to get ahead of myself but with the way things are headed I'm fairly certain I'll be able to deliver the target and her key to the organization by the end of this month." The agent's confidence rang through her words.

"Understood, but I hate to have to remind you about the targets abnormalities. She has broken the cycle making her very unpredictable. Image what kind of power she would have access to if her and her key were connected? The prospects are quite daunting indeed. There is a reason these orders come from the top themselves. This must be don and done correctly; no mistakes. I'll be checking in on your progress in three days time. Same place, same time. Beep-" the call ended abruptly.

A small sigh escaped the woman's mouth.

"Daunting indeed... Though I still don't see how two simple girls could cause such a fuss.. She must really be something very special for such a large organization to take this amount of interest in her.."

Soft moonlight embraced the shadowed woman in the small alley. The woman looked up, savoring the beautiful night sky.

"Shizuru.. Forgive me.." the soft words were devoured by the cold night breeze.

-- Shizuru's apartment

'_What was I thinking!? Have I really sunk so low.. Am I really that desperate.. Was.. Was Natsuki right..? Am I just some pathetic, common whore?' _Shizuru was curled up in a ball, she hugged her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees. Just moments ago she had laid on that same couch but in a completely new and foreign situation. Sure she had kissing experience as she was growing up but that had been the extent of it. Shizuru was a very shy and introverted person when it came to sharing herself with someone else. She had a hard time trusting people and found that no one, up until she meet Natsuki, had even held her attention. All these things were probably the catalysts that caused her to chicken out of her first real chance to ever expanded her experiences. She had tried so hard to pretend that the other woman, that Juliet, was Natsuki; her Natsuki. But after going lips first into a kiss that paled in comparison to the kiss that her one true love had given her she just couldn't do it anymore. She just couldn't pretend that this woman was her Natsuki. Shizuru had pulled away from the kiss, removing the other woman's hands off of her body in the process.

"I'm sorry… I… I just can't… I-I hope you can understand.. I-" The uncharacteristic words stumbled irrationally from the caramel haired beauty's mouth.

"Stop.." Juliet reached down and pressed a single finger to Shizuru's quivering lips, successfully silencing her. "I understand.. You must really love her don't you..?"

Shizuru's eyes softened as more pain seeped into her weary eyes.

"Yes.. She's the angel that stole my heart and I've come to realize that I'll never get it back.."

T.B.C.

--

A/N

Please R&R. Next chapter coming if you want it.

-John


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